Being in your 20s is one of the most awkward stages of adulthood. You may have completed college, be living on your own, or starting a career. It’s like you’re supposed to have it all together and yet you’re still trying to figure it all out. It’s a time when you are truly learning how to be independent. The one question you get tired of hearing, “Are you dating someone yet?” *inserts major side eye*
I spent majority of my time in college in a committed, long distance relationship. Once we broke up, I decided to spend time focusing on myself. I was in no rush to date someone else because I had been with that person since I was 16. I didn’t realize that being single for 3 years was something that people would notice and constantly point out. It was like once I graduated, I was expected to date and get married right away. And the older I got, the more family and friends would start to ask questions.
“When are you going to find a boyfriend?”
“Are you talking to someone yet?”
“Are you gay?”
At one point, someone even told me that since I hadn’t found someone in college I was more likely to not get married. I tried to keep from falling into the trap but I started to wonder too. Why haven’t I found someone? Will I get married? If not, will I ever be truly happy alone? But that’s when I remembered I was single by choice! And it is no one’s choice but mine whether I decide to date or not.
It’s Okay to be Single
One of the things I had to realize was that it is okay to be single. Being alone is the best way to learn how to love yourself. Not to say that I treated myself badly or didn’t love myself at all. But I started to realize that I lost myself in my past relationship. I spent a lot of time thinking about what “WE” wanted or what would be best for “US” without putting myself first. You are still young in your 20s. You’re still learning about yourself. What you like and don’t like. What it means to be independent. Searching for your purpose in life. All of this is a lot so adding another person into the mix can be stressful! Not saying that it’s impossible to handle but it is definitely a growing pain to go through. Not to mention I actually was dating. I just hadn’t found someone who I deemed worthy enough to meet my family yet. As I got older, I had less time for people to waste and there’s no point in introducing someone when you have no idea where it’s going. And that’s okay too.
Stand Confident in Your Singleness
One of the biggest things that helped me combat everyone’s comments was being confident in myself. When you spend time second guessing your choices you start to question more than just why you’re single. Another thing that helped was understanding what standards I had set for myself and why I set them. When it comes to setting standards, everyone may not always agree with your reasoning or find them feasible. But as long as they work REALISTICALLY for you, who can tell you otherwise? Last but not least……I stopped looking! Once you stop focusing on being single and start loving yourself you will flourish and feel amazing. My hair started growing, I started losing weight and my skin was clearing up. I can’t say my booty got bigger because well….it didn’t. #LilBootiesMatter
Now here I am, 5 years after the break up, in a happy relationship. My friends love him. We have fun together. And most importantly, we aren’t worried what others think. Be patient and I’m sure the same will happen for you, if it hasn’t already.